Part 33: Nenji Ogata 5

Before we get into the update proper, I’d like to bring something up. I actually spent some time recently inputting all the vote data I have into a spreadsheet. I don’t think there’s any way to really meaningfully graph it because it’s covering too many different kinds of values (time, votes, characters), but also I don’t actually know how to use Excel! Doesn’t matter, I made it mostly just for me to look at and get some hard numbers for stuff like average number of total votes.

So, I’m going to spend the beginning of this one just going through a few weird things that popped up in the data that I’d like to share.

• We’ve had 25 instances of characters receiving no votes whatsoever in a particular poll. The character who has suffered the most from this is Megumi, who has received no votes a total of six times. Bizarrely, Natsuno is in second place with five instances. Ei is in third place with four. A good portion of the instances a character doesn’t get any votes are explicated by us unlocking a new character for the same vote—this accounts for fully half of Megumi’s 0 totals.
  
• Despite the fact that we haven’t revisited Miura at all since his prologue, he is the only character that has never received zero votes in any instance he was available (with the obvious exceptions of Nenji, Ryoko, and Hijiyama, so we might as well just add the qualifier “the only character who has been available more than five times” to that). Weirdly, Destruction has also never received zero votes, but I have to assume that’s just because you’re all weirdo perverts I struggle to understand.
  
• For a second I thought Nenji would hold the record for the first, second, and third most votes in any single poll with 20, 19, and 18, but upon re-examination that’s not even close to true. Juro, of course, received 33 votes to choose the character for Chapter 8 (because I put my thumb on the scale and all but begged you guys to pick him). The second-most was for Chapter 10, with 25 for Yuki once we unlocked her. Third place is a tie between Miura (21, Chapter 15) and Tomi (21, Chapter 19).
  
• The lowest number of votes a victor has ever had was for Chapter 27, where first place was a tie between Juro and Destruction that I resolved by asking my dad to pick a number between one and two. The tie was four votes each, with one of our lower vote totals at only 23. Please vote more, you guys. Other than that, we’ve had a number of winners with only 5-7 votes.
  
• The current vote average is 31.833 repeating. The lowest number of votes we’ve had is 21. We’ll get to the highest number later. The individual per-character averages are somewhat interesting, mostly varying between 2 and 4.5 except Nenji and Ryoko, who are both blasted into the stratosphere by their comparatively fewer appearances, Ryoko making her debut in her only appearance so far, and the fact that Nenji has yet to lose a poll (until today?). I don’t want to spoil the exact numbers, but both of them are above 15 average votes. As for the other characters, Ei has the lowest average with 2 while Tomi has the highest with 4.5. Destruction has a weirdly high vote average at 4.1667 considering it never gets that many votes, but it gets a handful pretty consistently which I guess drags up the average.
  
• If we take an average of the averages, once again excluding Hijiyama, Ryoko, and Nenji, we get 3.250909834. I’m not sure if I actually tabulated this average correctly, but that should be the average amount of votes per character per poll. Considering we’ve done 24 polls and 25 options within those polls have gotten 0 votes, it’s safe to say it’s being very heavily weighted by the occasional outsized outpouring of votes for one candidate or another. If we check the median vote number per candidate instead, we get 2.
  
• We have had 764 votes in total so far across all polls. I have never voted because I trust the system too much.
  

Now, I understand that’s just a ton of boring technical bullshit no one could possibly care about, but I’m building tension here that I’m about to release: This is, by far (well, 8 votes), the most votes we’ve ever gotten for any poll. 54 of you brave souls risked death and disease to click a button on the internet, and we salute you for your sacrifice. That, if you’ll recall, is far above the average vote number of 31.833! So, we’ve got more people participating than ever, a new character option to draw votes, and tons of motivation to replace a character who’s overstayed their welcome, beloved as they are…



…And this still happened! Democracy is a sham!



Well, let’s get to it. Happy birthday to me! Here’s cake until you throw up!



Chapter 33: Nenji Ogata 5

Music: LONER (Azusa Chiba)




Maybe you’ve got a point. I should slow down and think a little…



……
Just don’t move from here. Not one step. Don’t move.

I love Nenji’s last “Don’t move” here. He sounds like he’s trying to scold a disobedient puppy. Well, I guess she is “Dogface,” huh?



Consider Tsukasa Okino

(I saw that person tryin’ to order me around in the capsule. I only caught a flash, but… It’s that guy hangin’ out with Fuyusaka.)

Consider D-Command

(So the world’s gonna end… And it’s all ‘cause of these fifteen people. ‘Cause they’re sendin’ out this command to the kaiju… Do I even believe this crazy shit? Why should I trust that shady egghead?)

Consider Weird Voice

(That weird voice… It’s gotta be him.)



You don’t get to tell me what to do!



……



No time to talk Tomi, got nerds to harass.



You think you can talk to me like that!?



*sigh*

Use The Attack on Tomi Kisaragi



If you knew the world was gonna end in a couple minutes… How would you spend ‘em?



Where’s all this coming from?



…… A few minutes, huh? That’s not a lot of time… Well… I can’t really get anywhere in a few minutes…




……



I just need you to wait here for me. That okay…?
*blushing* …… Fine.



You know, a guy came over to fix my internet yesterday and I realized he was going to see the giant corkboard monument to insanity I erected in my room. It got to the point where I was like, preparing half-explanations in the vein of “Oh, that? *laughs* It’s just a dumb joke project for the internet, it’s not real or serious or whatever, don’t worry about it.” Anyway, when the dude showed up he didn’t even seem to notice it. No, he was much more interested in how the hell I managed to get my hands on a PS5 without going through scalpers, which, in hindsight, I probably should have seen coming.



Wh-What’s wrong?

Welp, back to Nenji, about to kick Okino’s ass.




Use Weird Voice on Tsukasa Okino



I saw you, you asshole…
Wh-What are you talking about?
Drop the act. How’d you put me in that capsule? Why do you keep puttin’ me back here?
I really have no idea what you’re saying…
Bullshit you don’t!








Music: Time Drain (Rikako Watanabe)



What’s going on here? Can he see me?
I’m onto you, bastard. Get me outta this capsule thing!
…Capsule?



Wait, you’re that… …… Now I remember! Hijiyama!



I gave you plenty warning. Don’t act like I pulled some lowdown trick. It’s not my fault if you can’t take a punch.
You… son of a…





Uhhhhh

*sigh* Well, he’s awake.





Music: Something’s Fishy (Kikuchi Yukinori)



What’s goin’ on here?




You’re just full of surprises… How did you break out?



What is it, some kinda factory? What time is it…?
……



Keep quiet. Unless you want another beating. If you help us, this will be over soon.

Use The Attack on Tsukasa Okino



You said you’d help us, right…? Then you gotta do somethin’ before the attack hits! Can’t you save any of the others?



Those things are the true foes of the Sentinels?
Exactly. What I need to find is the reason for the attack. So now we’re here. Trying to find the key that controls the D-forces.



This key’s gonna let you control them?

Use D-Command on Tsukasa Okino



One outta these fifteen people?
So you knew…




They broadcast command signals from their body. Even if they don’t want to, or don’t even know. Those signals create the kaiju, and then beckon them here.
Like the old guy was sayin’… So… are there lots of keys?
No, just one. Out of all fifteen… Only one has the key that controls them.



(Wait… Didn’t she say somethin’ about that? The first person who had this key… )

Use League of Darkness on Tsukasa Okino



She said I was the one who had the key first. But I dunno anything about that. I don’t remember anything, anyway…
Of course you don’t.

I like that Okino is just ignoring Nenji’s crazed ramblings about complete nonsense and information he has no way of knowing.

The Control Key is a code for a program. You’re one of those fifteen people. Up until 2 months ago, the commands were coming from you.
Seriously…? It was me?
It used to be. Now, though… Well, from what I hear, that had already changed by the time we caught you.
Now, another person’s got the key. And they’re the one sending out the signal to start an apocalypse.



Remember, they haven’t gotten here yet. But… Whatever you saw in there is going to come true soon enough.

Use Key on Tsukasa Okino



How do you even look for somethin’ like that?
Well, to you, it’ll look like a standard metal key. At least, within that station…
What do you mean?
I need to see who got the Control Key after you. The idea was to just pull the data out of you… But whatever happened is really bound up in your personal memories. Which means you’re the only one who can dig that information out. That’s why you’re in the chair, and I’m on the tech side. I’m making it so you can find that key for me.

Music: Double Bind (Mitsuhiro Kaneda)




You’ve been in this chair this whole time. That station…



You gotta be kidding…



Are you happy now? You fuckin’ kids ruined the time loop thing for yourselves by just binging it all immediately. Great work.



That’s how you broke out of the simulation… Even I’m there at the station.



I guess that’d get you clear of control. Well, I can fix that right now.




H-Hey, hold on!
Don’t squirm.




……



My apologies for hitting you. But you need to take this seriously.






Oh boy… We can unlock more Nenji… Hooray…

Okay, clearly this isn’t working. Something’s got to give. So, I’m going to… alter the poll a bit this time. You’ll see. It’ll be fine. Pray I do not alter it further. But we’ll get to that in just a second, after we make some minor updates to the board:



First, we’re gonna remove the three central mysteries of Nenji’s story. We know it’s not actually a time loop any more, and we also know just what the key and the D-Code are. We don’t know why the D-Code exists, but that’s more-or-less covered, just more broadly, by “Why are the kaiju invading?”



The other thing we’re going to do is add a link between Nenji and Okino. Obviously. Don’t even need to explain that one.



And here’s the board once more.

Now that we’ve got that dealt with, on to the subject of the poll. I feel that, while it has largely worked to distribute the character focus semi-randomly, as if to simulate the whims of a small, easily distracted child, the massive number of candidates is a bit of an issue when there’s an overbearing consensus to just fuck this whole thing up. Seriously, no offense Nenji, but it’s like the 2016 Republican primary up in here. So, let’s try something new. I ran through a few different ideas for this one, including THE MYSTERY BOX (which is an idea I’ll probably return to at some point if I ever get an opportunity), but I think the best approaches are the simplest and easiest to understand. So, let’s go to something timeless and universal: Dragon Ball Z.

This poll will consist of exactly two candidates: First, the evil Frieza, whose unstoppable empire consumes all in its path, portrayed here by Nenji Ogata. The second candidate is Son Goku, the plucky Saiyan who could, portrayed by me. In order to vanquish Frieza, I’m going to need your support (and your tasty, tasty life energy) to form a spirit bomb. To give me your energy, I’m going need you to send me a twenty dollar check at this addres—I’m being informed by my lawyers that I cannot do this. Very well, instead you simply need to raise your arms to the sky. Well, I can’t actually see you do that so I won’t know how you voted, so make sure you also click the poll option of the little man raising his arms. Together, we can change the world and also save all of you from getting yelled at by me for picking Nenji six times in a row. Please, for the love of god. It’s my fucking birthday. Don’t do this to me.

The poll is here.